


Day To Day

by SinnySkelle



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Comfort, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fellcest - Freeform, Fluff, Honestly this can get pretty triggering at times, M/M, More tags to be added, Post Pacifist Route, Read at your own discretion, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, day to day activities, living on the surface, mentions of genocide runs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 23:40:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16753690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinnySkelle/pseuds/SinnySkelle
Summary: The barrier is broken and monsters are finally free. Everything is as it should be. So why is it that Sans still isn't happy?Honestly this is just selfish writing therapy.





	Day To Day

**Author's Note:**

> Like mentioned in the Summary, this is mostly writing therapy. The story follows Sans as he struggles to live with his depression, learning to cope with the lifelong illness as he battles with his own self-hatred. It's mostly meant to just get out what it's like living with depression. It also takes a look at Papyrus' side of things as someone who's romantically involved with someone with depression. 
> 
> There's really no story here. A story may eventually, naturally form as chapters are added, but as of right now there is no set direction. Chapters will be added pretty much as needed.
> 
> Something to note: When mentioning "Sans" and "Papyrus", I'm always referring to UF Sans and UF Papyrus. They don't call each other Red, or Edge. Only others call them by their nick names. 
> 
> Helpful Tips:  
> UT Sans: Classic  
> UT Papyrus: Rus  
> US Sans: Blue  
> US Papyrus: Stretch  
> SF Sans: Razz  
> SF Papyrus: Slim

Another day, another battle.

 

Why was getting up so hard to do?

 

Why was getting out of bed such an insurmountable task?

 

Sans sighed heavily as he rolled over in bed, his covers pulled tightly around his body, shielding him from the afternoon light that poured into his window. It was past noon, and he had yet to get out of bed. Another morning wasted. Opportunities gone. 

 

The thought caused Sans to swallow a lump that was forming in his non-existent throat. He shouldn’t be this lazy. He shouldn’t be this inactive. There was no reason for it. Monsters were free. Everyone was on the surface. The kid promised to never reset again and 2 years had gone by with Frisk keeping their promise. So why? Why couldn’t Sans be happy?

 

Sans’ fist tightened with anger. He had no one to be angry at but himself. Everything was better, so why wasn’t he? 

 

What was wrong with him?

 

Sans didn’t get a chance to get lost in his thoughts for long before a surprisingly gentle knock came from his door. 

 

“SANS? ARE YOU UP?” Papyrus’ normal loud voice bellowed, but there was no anger behind the volume. Just normal Papyrus with his inability to control his indoor voice. 

 

“yeah…” Sans responded, half his face covered by his pillow. 

 

“THE OTHERS WILL BE HERE SOON.” Papyrus reminded his brother, gently. 

 

Sans mentally smacked himself. That’s right, he forgot, today they were hosting a house party and all the other versions of themselves were coming to hang out. That was today. And he didn’t get up to help his brother clean, or prepare at all. Instead he stayed in bed… all day. 

 

“ARE YOU STILL FEELING UP TO THE PARTY? WE CAN CANCEL IF NOT.” Papyrus offered, still talking through the door. 

 

Hearing Papyrus offer to cancel the party only made the knot in Sans’ throat bigger. Sans swallowed back tears that threatened to collect at the corners of his sockets while he buried his skull in his pillow in defiance. He refused to cry out of sheer will power. 

 

Sans hated himself. 

 

He hated that he forgot today was the party. He hated that he didn’t get out of bed and help his brother clean the house in preparation. He hated that his brother even offered to cancel the party, knowing how excited he had been for this party to happen for weeks. 

 

He hated himself, so much. 

 

“nah bro. i’ll be up in a sec, don’t worry.” Sans hoped his voice didn’t sound as cracked to his brother as it did to him, his emotions choked back as to not alarm Papyrus and tip him off to his real feelings. 

 

Sans waited to hear Papyrus’ footsteps leave his door before he finally let go and cried into his pillow, the plush material muting his angry whispers and sniffles. He’d let himself break down for a few moments, then it was game on and mask up. He couldn’t ruin Papyrus’ day with his emotional outbursts. It wasn’t fair to his brother. 

 

After a few minutes, Sans emerged from his room in his normal red t-shirt and black basketball shorts. His spiked, red collar jingled with each step he took down the stairs. Sans knew there was no reason to wear the collar anymore. They were no longer trapped underground where it was kill or be killed. Sans no longer had to hide behind his brother’s status as second in command of the Royal Guard to keep potential threats away. But he still wore the collar. Mostly out of respect and familiarity. Sans was eternally grateful towards his brother. Sans may have raised Papyrus, but towards their last years underground it was Papyrus who took care of Sans. All secrets were revealed once the barrier broke. Papyrus no longer pretended to treat Sans like crap in public to uphold a vicious and merciless image, and Sans no longer lied about the resets and what really happened when the human kid wasn’t so merciful in their runs through the underground. 

 

With all secrets gone, Sans’ relationship with his brother improved drastically. Sans was even able to admit his feelings towards his baby brother, and was surprised to find Papyrus had been harboring the same feelings towards Sans as well. Their relationship came easy. Being with Papyrus was as normal as breathing for Sans. Both Sans and Papyrus didn’t care to hide their relationship. Sure the humans gave them weird looks, but after living in the harsh underground for so long, weird looks were nothing to sweat over. And now that monsters were free, there were no more murders, or kidnappings. No one used loved ones as targets, or bait. Monsters were free to show weakness. They were free to love.

 

Sans paused once he reached the archway to their kitchen, watching Papyrus cook quietly, being sure not to disturb him. He silently watched Papyrus go about his business, his eye lights honed on the love of his life.

 

There were moments where Sans wondered if Papyrus would ever stop loving him. Papyrus did so much for him. He cooked, cleaned, took care of Sans. Took care of everything really. And what did Sans do? Nothing. He had yet to even get a job. He didn’t help. He was useless. Sans couldn’t understand for the life of him why Papyrus put up with him. Was it because they were brothers? Did Papyrus ever regret forming a relationship with him? Did Papyrus just stay with him because breaking up would just be too awkward given their family relations?

 

That damn knot began to burn in the middle of Sans’ throat again, threatening to pull more tears to his sockets. Sans was quick to clear his throat and blink back the tears. He told himself, no more breakdowns. Mask up damn it! 

 

“SANS?” Papyrus turned to spot his brother standing at the entry way. The quiet coughs of Sans clearing his throat gave away his presence. 

 

“oh hey paps. heh, what’s cookin good lookin?” Sans winked before walking over to Papyrus’ side, inspecting the plethora of food being prepared for their guests. It was strange how so many versions of themselves liked different foods. One would think all the Sans’ and Papyrus’ would like the same thing since they were essentially the same person. 

 

Papyrus eyed Sans quietly. His brother was blinking a lot and his hands were stuffed stiffly in his pockets. It was a defensive stance. One Papyrus was well acquainted with from years of being on guard in the underground. Sans only made that stance now a days when he was trying to hide something, or hold something back. The sight made Papyrus frown, but he was quick to wipe it away and turn back to his cooking. 

 

“I AM COOKING MANY THINGS. IT IS ONLY PROPER THAT A GOOD HOST FEED THEIR GUESTS THE FINEST OF CUISINES.” Papyrus preened.

 

“well it all looks amazin. bet it’ll taste great, your cooking always does.” Sans complimented, smiling at the way his brother’s face lit up. 

 

Stars he loved it when Papyrus lit up. Nothing was better than seeing his brother happy.

 

“WELL OF COURSE MY COOKING IS ALWAYS DELICIOUS! I AM THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS AFTER ALL! NYEH HEH HEH!” 

 

“the greatest, bro.” Sans chuckled, always happy to stroke his baby brother’s ego. “say, you need any help with anything else before the others get here?” Sans asked nervously. He was hoping his brother would say yes. He didn’t want to feel like a complete waste of useless space. 

 

Papyrus pondered for a while. He took a good, long look at his brother, noting the darker than usual rings under his eyes. They were a little red too, and not from the eyeliner they used to use back in the underground to make themselves look more menacing. Sans had been crying. Probably all night. 

 

Papyrus wanted to tell his brother no. He wanted to order Sans to sit down and rest before their guests arrived, but he knew what his brother wanted to hear. No, what he needed to hear. 

 

“OF COURSE. TAKE THE FINGER FOOD AND SET THEM OUT IN THE LIVING ROOM. AND BE SURE TO PLACE DOWN EXTRA COASTERS! STARS KNOWS HOW DISGUSTING SOME OF MY OTHER SELVES ARE!” Papyrus glared at the thought knowing that his house would soon have condensation rings staining his furniture along with an abundance of cigarette stench. It disgusted him to know that there were versions of himself that were so sloppy. 

 

Sure Papyrus knew there were Sans’ out there that were also slobs, but Papyrus wanted to make sure that Sans wouldn’t think his comment was inadvertently about him. So he made sure to only comment on the other Papyrus’.

 

Sans gave a small, grateful smile before leaving the kitchen to accomplish his task. 

 

Papyrus smiled softly to himself at seeing Sans’ mood brighten, even if it was only marginally. 

 

While it was a common trait for some Sans’ and Papyrus’ to seem lazy and dirty, his brother was not one of those Sans’ that fit that particular mold. His brother was actually a very clean monster. Papyrus simply knew that Sans’ depression often times made cleaning an impossible task. He knew that Sans would often become upset with himself when his depression affected his everyday activities. He would become frustrated with his exhaustion, thus making him more depressed, then more exhausted. It was a vicious cycle. Sans’ mood would always brighten when he accomplished tasks. Even if they were small ones, it didn’t matter. Papyrus just needed to help his brother break the cycle. 

 

Sans moved about the living room, opening and setting out trays of finger food for their guests, as well as an abundance of coasters. Even though Papyrus had cleaned this morning, Sans made a point to go about the room straightening pillows and stacking books. 

 

Papyrus poked his head out of the kitchen and smiled at Sans’ busy body work. “GOOD JOB SANS. THANK YOU FOR STRAIGHTENING UP AS WELL.” Papyrus called from the kitchen, making sure to point out Sans’ extra effort.

 

Papyrus’ soul almost burst out of his chest when he received one of the biggest, most proud smiles from Sans. It was the biggest smile he had seen from his brother in the past few weeks.

 

The doorbell broke the brothers out of their small, happy trance. Their guests had arrived.

 

“i’ll get it, boss.” Sans responded before Papyrus could, knowing his brother was still busy with cooking. 

 

Papyrus nodded, leaving the meeting and greeting up to his brother as he returned to the kitchen to finish his many masterpieces. 

 

Sans made it to their front door by the second ring and opened up to see both the tale and swap brothers standing together in a big group. 

 

“HELLO RED!” Both Blue and Rus shouted, waving frantically even though they were both no more than 3 feet away. 

 

Classic and Stretch simply waved casually, an easy smile on both their faces. 

 

“heh, hey guys. glad you could make it.” Sans put on a relaxed grin, his mask slipping easily into place. It was game time. Sans then stepped to the side to let the others in.

 

“Heh, looks like you almost didn’t make it.” Stretch commented jokingly as he pointed at Sans’ wrinkled shirt and shorts. Most definitely the same outfit he slept in last night. 

 

Sans’ soul pinged painfully, his mask almost cracking at the off-handed joke. It was a joke that hit a little too close to home. Still, Sans kept his mask up, responding with a much expected witty retort. “you know me, always fashionably late. even to my own parties.”

 

The response had the expected reaction. Classic and Stretch chuckled while Blue and Rus ‘tsked’ and shook their heads disapprovingly at Sans’ alleged laziness. 

 

Yeah, he knew he was a lazy piece of shit too. Thanks for the reminder…

 

As the tale and swap brothers entered the house, the five skeletons began to chat and mingle. Stretch lit up a smoke while Classic helped himself to a beer. Both skeletons shared an entire finger food tray to themselves. Rus and Blue began to try and outdo one another with training stories, each one boasting about their accomplishments and advancements in skills. 

 

Sans did his best not to focus too much on Rus and Blue, not wanting to engage the two while they were dueling each other with their endless bouts of self-confidence. 

 

Instead, Sans turned to Stretch and Classic. He figured now would be the perfect time to get caught up with his friend’s lives. 

 

“so how you two been?” Sans asked, feeling just a little awkward. It’s not like Sans couldn’t have caught up with Classic and Stretch any time before the party. He had all the skeleton’s numbers. Except, he never texted, or called. Nor did he ever return the other’s texts, or calls. Sans was sure had he done a better job at keeping in contact with his friends he wouldn’t feel so out of the loop with their lives. 

 

Just another thing he failed at so spectacularly.

 

“oh you know, just busy with life and work. the humans are planning on sending another robot out to space. not sure which planet they are going to pick next though. all the hypothetical research has been a little boring. calculating different temperatures and gravitational affects and all.” Classic commented as he sipped his beer. 

 

Oh right, Classic had gotten a job with the human’s space program. What a job, what a life… 

 

Sans felt his soul tightening in his chest. Both he and classic loved science and space. They both had essentially the same upbringing being Gaster’s assistant. They both had the same knowledge and education. Only difference was once the barrier broke and monsters were free to roam the surface, Classic actually got off his ass and pursued a career in the field he wanted. Meanwhile Sans… Sans laid in bed.

 

“wow, sounds like a big deal though.” Sans responded with a hint of admiration in his tone. He couldn’t believe Classic found the work boring. Sans would kill to have a job like that. Getting paid so much to do something he loved. 

 

“Yeah while you guys waste time guessing which planet you want to explore, us engineers are left making dozens of different explorer robots. You big brains upstairs need to pick a planet already. Narrow down our work load.” Stretch complained, but still smiled teasingly at Classic to let him know he wasn’t really mad. 

 

Sans looked down at the floor, his soul pinging painfully again. Stretch also worked for the human’s space program, except he worked as an engineer rather than a researcher. While Stretch was very much like Sans and Classic, he was still a Papyrus, so he loved working with his hands and solving puzzles. It was a good fit for him. 

 

That was two friends who went and did something with their lives when the barrier broke. Two people who for all intense and purposes were supposed to be just like him, managed to make something of themselves. 

 

Why the hell couldn’t Sans do the same? What was wrong with him?

 

Before Sans’ thoughts could spiral, there was another ring of the doorbell. 

 

Sans was quick to excuse himself from his friends and their conversation, desperate to get away from the others who so causally talked about their accomplishments. Sans knew Classic and Stretch weren’t bragging, but that’s what it felt like when all Sans could contribute was that he woke up today and set out the finger food… 

 

Suddenly Sans’ straightening up earlier didn’t seem like that big of an accomplishment.

 

Sans quickly opened the front door to reveal their last guests, the swapfell brothers. 

 

“hey guys.” Sans smiled, his grin real and relaxed. He was happy to see the swapfell brothers. They too were fell monsters, so they tended to get along easier. Sure Sans and Papyrus were friends with all their alternates, it was just… the swapfell brothers understood them better. They knew what it was like to come from a violent underground. They were the only alternates who didn’t look at Sans and Papyrus as “evil” versions of themselves. Honestly, it was nice to have friends who didn’t secretly judge them for their past…

 

“Sorry we’re late. Human stores have abysmal alcohol options. We decided spider wine was the obvious superior choice, but that meant taking a detour.” Razz huffed as he handed Sans a bottle of expensive spider wine, adorned with a silk, black gift wrapping bow.

 

“no worries, party just barely stared. and gee thanks guys, you didn’t have to do this.” Sans accepted the gift graciously. “come on in.” 

 

As Sans stepped aside to let Razz and Slim in, Papyrus exited the kitchen, curious to see who showed and to take a moment to greet their guests. 

 

“AH! THERE YOU TWO ARE!” Papyrus smiled wide when he saw Razz and Slim. Razz was by far the easiest monster of all their alternates to get along with. He wasn’t a Papyrus, but he was a monster with discipline and standards. Razz was the closest to Papyrus in personality and experience which made them fast friends... once they finally opened up and trusted one another that is. 

 

After a quick handshake with Razz and nod towards Slim, Papyrus noticed the others walking up to him. 

 

“EDGE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” Rus smiled, stopping his small battle with Blue to greet his friend and host. 

 

“I APOLOGIZE FOR MY ABSENCE. I AM JUST FINISHING UP THE LAST TOUCHES. FOOD WILL BE DONE SHORTLY.” Papyrus reassured his guests. 

 

“Do You Need Help With The Cooking, Edge?” Blue offered, his smile stretching wide at the prospect of showing off his cooking skills to his friends. 

 

“NO THANK YOU, THAT’S NOT NECESSARY. AS GUESTS YOUR ONLY JOB IS TO ENJOY YOURSELVES.” Papyrus refused politely. Besides, it was rude to have guests doing work during a party. 

 

Rus perked up, not ready to be out done by Blue in the battle of manors. “COME NOW! HAVING THREE GREAT CHEFS IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN ONE! WHAT KIND OF GUESTS WOULD WE BE IF WE DID NOT ASSIST OUR GRACIOUS HOST?” 

 

Before Papyrus had a chance to refuse, both Rus and Blue were heading towards the kitchen, culinary confidence in tow. 

 

“BESIDES,” Rus added as he passed Papyrus, “IF WE DO NOT ASSIST YOU, WHO WILL? CERTAINLY NOT OUR LAZY BROTHERS. NYEH HEH HEH!” 

 

“Yeah, I’m Sure You’d Like To Have Some Help For Once.” Blue giggled, knowing Papyrus was most likely still busy with cooking because he had done all the cleaning himself earlier. It was the same for Blue and Rus, they understood what it was like to have lazy brothers. 

 

Both Rus and Blue shared a quick laugh as they entered the kitchen, making themselves familiar with some aprons and cutlery. Completely unaware to how harsh their words stung others. 

 

Papyrus stiffened and shot a glance towards his brother. He watched as Sans turned to look at the floor, his head low and his eye lights dim with shame and self-hatred. 

 

Papyrus could tell the comment definitely affected his brother. 

 

Razz, ever vigilant, just like Papyrus, noticed the way Sans shrunk in on himself. After a moment of quiet contemplation, Razz then turned towards his own brother and shared a knowing nod with Slim.

 

“Hey!” Razz shouted. “Out of the kitchen you two!” He demanded as he grabbed the wine bottle from Sans’ hands and stormed into the kitchen, Papyrus close on his heels. 

 

“BUT-“ Rus was about to protest when Razz firmly set the bottle of wine on the counter in front of both him and Blue.

 

“From the looks of this kitchen, noticing the lack of gift wrapping, it’s safe to bet you two didn’t even get the host a gift! Only true guests who thought to bring proper house party appreciation beverages, or snacks, get to help the host. Now out!” Razz demanded, almost like commanding a dog with the way he also pointed towards the living room. 

 

Both Rus and Blue shared sad looks. They had been bested in the battle of manors. They forgot to bring gifts, the biggest faux pas a guest could do when attending a house party. The two then left the kitchen, their heads low and metaphorical tails between their legs. 

 

Papyrus watched with wide sockets at how well Razz could command a room. Truly there was something to be said about the leadership skills of fell monsters. 

 

Once the coast was clear, Papyrus turned towards Razz with a questioning look, curious as to why Razz kicked Rus and Blue out of the kitchen. 

 

“You’re welcome.” Razz dropped the superior guest act. “Can’t reprimand those two with their brothers sitting right there, but they don’t get to be rewarded after behaving so poorly to your brother. Have to teach them manors somehow.” Razz smirked knowingly. 

 

Papyrus smiled, grateful for Razz’s intervention. “Thank You.” Papyrus spoke softly. 

 

Razz was no stranger to dealing with depressed brothers. Slim was much like Sans in the sense that he too could still not shake the oppressive clutches of depression, even long after the barrier had been broken. Since Razz and Slim had been in a relationship much longer than any of the other skeleton brothers, Razz had more experience in dealing with his brother’s depression. The special way they formed their relationship required complete trust and communication. It was not simply kinky BDSM sex and master-pet play. It was a lifestyle. One the swapfell brothers took very seriously. Razz swore to take care of Slim, not just as a master, but as a lover and brother. He knew all too well what it was like for Papyrus to live with Sans’ depression. Constantly worrying, watching, analyzing. Being sure to navigate the minefield that was dangerous triggers. The swings of good and bad days. The constant fear that one day they would wake up to find dust in their brother’s bed, a suicide note on the nightstand. 

 

It was something that their alternates would never understand. Loving someone who didn’t love themselves. It took a toll on them.

 

But they loved their brothers. They would do anything for them. As fell monsters, trust and love was incredibly rare and sacred. The bonds they had with their brothers were unbreakable. The things fell monsters had to endure ensured lifelong connections with their brothers. It wasn’t something that could be explained to the tale monsters, so they never tried. 

 

Slim watched Razz enter the kitchen, only to see Rus and Blue exit shortly thereafter. A little smirk worked its way onto Slim’s sharpened teeth. His Lord was always in charge, no matter where they went. Slim could only assume Razz was speaking privately with Papyrus by now, which meant it was the perfect time for him to speak with Sans. 

 

Slim walked up to Sans and noticed that the smaller skeleton was still staring at the ground, his eye lights impossibly dim. A sympathetic pang gripped Slim’s soul at the sight. Their alternates could be a little dense. Their off-handed comments usually hurt more than they would ever know, causing a ripple effect of anger and self-hatred. 

 

Slim gently placed a hand on Sans’ shoulder, startling the other skeleton out of his depressed stupor. “Hey, Red.” 

 

“oh, hey slim.” Sans was quick to fix his mask and give Slim a large, forced grin. 

 

Slim simply smiled slightly. He knew asking ‘how are you’ would only receive a fake, scripted lie. Stars knows that’s what he did all the time himself. Instead Slim’s grip tightened on Sans’ shoulder, almost as if to send a silent message of comradery. 

 

The message was received and Sans’ fake smile dropped to a more sincere one. Small, but real. “thanks…” Sans whispered, knowing he and Razz were looking out for him. 

 

The two then made their way over to the others, watching as their friends began to chat and laugh about anything and everything. Sans and Slim smiled and laughed on queue when it was socially required to, but they mostly stayed quiet and simply observed. With Slim by Sans’ side, he no longer felt so out of place. 

 

After a few more minutes of easy chatting, Papyrus and Razz exited the kitchen carrying dishes of freshly prepared food. 

 

“DINNER IS SERVED!” Papyrus announced as he and Razz began setting the large dining table. 

 

“Oh Boy! That All Looks Delicious, Edge!” Blue complimented, his eye lights morphing into stars as he looked over the different pasta dishes, hamburgers, and tacos.

 

“SUCH AN EXCELLENT ARRAY OF CULINARY EXCELLENCY! BUT THAT IS TO BE EXPECTED OF A PAPYRUS AFTER ALL!” Rus added.

“Looks good, I’m starving.” Stretched grinned as he and Classic took their seats next to their respected brothers. 

 

“Papy, You Ate An Entire Tray Of Finger Food! You Should Have Saved Your Appetite!” Blue chided.

 

“don’t worry blue, stretch and i always have room for a good burg.” Classic winked, sharing a smile with Stretch at how their brothers rolled their eyes at them. 

 

Sans sat next to Papyrus and watched as everyone began to dig in. Their alternates grabbed spoonful’s of pasta, a taco or too, as well as at least one burger each. Everyone looked to be enjoying themselves, still chatting with one another over the dinner table as they ate. Sans could only watch. He looked over all the food his brother had worked so hard to make. It all looked delicious, and he was sure it was. It was just… he wasn’t hungry. 

 

Sans couldn’t for the life of him stomach the thought of actually eating right now. Sure his stomach was practically growling at the sight of the food, but for some reason the thought of actually eating anything right now threatened to make him nauseous. 

 

Sans looked down at his empty plate in exhaustion. He felt terrible for not wanting to eat. Papyrus worked so hard on the food! And everyone was here, he was expected to eat at a dinner party! 

 

Sans’ hands began to shake under the table. His anxiety quickly building. Should he try to force himself to eat? What if it made him sick? He didn’t want to make a scene, but not eating anything would draw attention to himself. 

 

“Sans?”

 

Sans flinched at the call of his name and looked up to see Papyrus staring at him worriedly. 

 

“Are You Not Feeling Well?” Papyrus asked, noticing that Sans had not even bothered to put any food on his plate. Not to mention he could see the slight trembling of Sans’ hands under the table. 

 

Sans contemplated on lying, but he knew it was probably not a good idea. It would be too obvious. So instead Sans told the truth. He shook his head ‘no’. 

 

Papyrus hummed in thought. “Do You Think You Could Stomach Some Food?” 

 

Once again Sans answered honestly and shook his head ‘no’. He was grateful Papyrus was being so quiet, respecting that Sans didn’t want any attention brought on him. He was also grateful that Razz seemed to be holding their alternates attention with some long story he hadn’t been able to listen to due to his borderline anxiety attack. 

 

Papyrus stayed quiet for a while before discreetly opening up his phone storage. He pulled out a bottle of mustard and placed it on the table next to Sans. “I Understand You Cannot Eat Anything Right Now, But You Need To At Least Drink Something And Replenish Your Energy. You Haven’t Eaten Anything All Day. Maybe This Will Go Down Easier.” 

 

Sans looked at the mustard bottle, then to Papyrus. He gave his brother a grateful smile and nodded, agreeing to give the mustard a try. 

 

Papyrus smiled, feeling a little better after seeing his brother grab the bottle and begin to gingerly suckle down its contents. Sans was taking his time and his sips were small, but as long as Sans had something in his system to replenish his magic, Papyrus was happy. Sans being unable to eat due to his depression and anxiety was not something new. Normally mustard was smooth and light enough to go down during those days where Sans was hit the hardest. 

 

Papyrus then turned to his guests and began to chat with the group. Things began to liven up as plate after plate of food vanished. Good food, good drinks, and good friends helped eased the night into a fun atmosphere. 

 

Sans could feel his anxiety slowly begin to ebb away with all the lighthearted chatter and laughter. He even dared to look up at the group and engage in a conversation here or there. 

 

Everything was beginning to look up, that was until Blue spoke up. 

 

“Red! Are You Drinking Mustard?!” Blue shouted loud enough for the entire table to stop their conversations and everyone to direct their attention to Sans. 

 

Sans’ eye lights shrunk to pin pricks. His soul froze in his chest. 

 

Papyrus saw the way his brother froze up and quickly spoke up to ease Blue’s concerns. “Blue It Is Alright-“

 

But before Papyrus could continue, Rus spoke out, “RED! HOW COULD YOU! THERE IS PLENTY OF HEALTHY FOOD FOR YOU TO PICK FROM!” Rus pointed out. He then turned to glare at his own brother. “I SWEAR YOU SANS’ AND YOUR HORRIBLE EATING HABITS!” 

 

Classic simply shrugged with a playful grin. “hey, i’m laying off the ketchup for tonight, i did good, paps. red’s the one with the mustard.” Classic was quick to divert his brother’s scolding away from him and back to Sans.

 

“Yeah Red! Your Brother Worked Hard To Cook All This Food! Don’t Be Rude!” Blue finished his lecturing with a wag of his finger. 

 

“Now bro don’t be so harsh. We need our condiments every once in a while.” Stretch defended. 

 

“Oh Don’t You Get Met Started, Brother!” Blue turned his attention to argue with Stretch, which Stretch handled with great ease knowing his brother was only lecturing them all because he was concerned.

 

Unfortunately, by this point Sans’ eye lights had guttered out. He sat frozen, his hand barely holding onto his mustard bottle which shook beneath the table. 

 

Just as quickly as the attention was drawn to Sans, it was now drawn back to the group as Blue and Rus pointed out their brother’s unhealthy habits, which turned the conversation to unhealthy habits they noticed humans make, which then dissolved into general talk about humans. 

 

Still, Sans’ soul throbbed painfully in his chest. He felt the marrow in his bones run cold. His throat clenched up with a painfully large knot. Tears quickly gathered in his sockets against his will. He knew he was being rude. He knew his brother worked so hard on all that food. He wanted to taste it, he really did! He knew he messed up when he didn’t wake up in time to help his brother clean. He messed up everything! 

 

Why did he even bother to get out of bed? Why did he bother existing?

 

He was so stupid! Such a waste of space!

 

What was wrong with him!

 

He knew he was a disgusting, selfish, lazy, good for nothing-

 

Sans’ sockets widened as he felt familiar bile begin to rise in his throat. 

 

Quickly, before he could make a mess all over the dinner table in front of their guests, Sans teleported to the bathroom.

 

Sans barely had enough time to lift the lid to the toilet before he was heaving all the magic that was in his system. Sans fell to his knees as he let his body expel any and all nourishment he had eaten that day, which wasn’t to say very much, but still was enough to throw up. 

 

Sans couldn’t stop the tears that began to trickle down from his sockets as he coughed and gagged at the last bit of sick. Stars he was such a fuck up! Why was he like this?!

 

Sans grabbed a handful of toilet paper to muffle his cries as he did his best to stay quiet. He desperately hoped no one paid enough attention to him to wonder where he teleported off to. He had already ruined his brother’s house party. The last thing he needed was for the others to hear him crying, to see him broken and weak. 

 

He was so pathetic. 

 

Sans’ soul dropped when he heard a tentative knock at the bathroom door. 

 

Panic rose as Sans tried to calm himself and clear his voice in time to tell the visitor that he was alright and order them to leave. But before Sans could say anything the door slowly opened. 

 

“Sans..?” Papyrus spoke softly as he peeked inside the bathroom. His soul clenched painfully at the sight of his brother knelt over the toilet on the floor, streaks of tears running down his skull, and a wadded up tissue pressed against his teeth in an attempt to muffle his cries.

 

Slowly, Papyrus entered the bathroom and closed the door behind himself, giving him and Sans the privacy they needed. 

 

“go away paps. i’m alright, you’re missin your party downstairs.” Sans weakly protested, guilt wracking his soul over causing his brother to wear that worried expression. 

 

Stars he was such a fuck up…

 

“Hush Now, Don’t Be Ridiculous.” Papyrus gently scolded as he sat down on the bathroom floor next to Sans, his hand reaching up and gently stroking his brother’s spine, doing his best to sooth his mate. 

 

Sans reluctantly relaxed against his brother’s touch, easing himself into the large and surprisingly gentle hand that stroked away the tension with every rub.

 

It was quiet for a long while, neither brother speaking. The quiet was both welcomed and nerve wracking all in one. 

 

Sans basked in the silence for as long as he could before speaking up. 

 

“i’m sorry…” Sans whispered.

 

“Don’t Be. There Is Nothing To Be Sorry For.” Papyrus rejected Sans’ apology firmly, yet gently as he continued to rub his brother’s back. 

 

“yes there is… i fucked up your party… i fucked everything up…” Sans’ voice cracked as more tears threatened to spill. 

 

Before Sans had a chance to break down once again, strong arms wrapped themselves around Sans’ lithe frame, pulling him into Papyrus’ lap. Sans struggled to break free, but Papyrus simply tightened his hold, encasing himself around Sans protectively. Almost as if he was trying to physically shield Sans of his own mind. 

 

“paps! what are you doin? you’re missin your party!” Sans protested and struggled in Papyrus’ grasp, except this time much weaker. 

 

“Shut Up And Let Me Hold You!” Papyrus’ voice cracked.

 

Sans froze. 

 

Papyrus’ voice was shaky. He could feel his brother trembling around him. Those strong arms shook, yet stayed firmly around him like a vice grip. 

 

Sans’ soul sank. It felt like it weighed a ton. The little organ was barely staying afloat with how much guilt piled on top of it. 

 

He hurt his brother. The one thing he never wanted to do. He hurt the one only ray of light in his life. He knew he had been hurting his brother for a long time now. He saw all the hidden glances, the worried looks, the sad frowns. He saw the way Papyrus treated him like a fragile glass egg. He hurt his brother every day just by existing. Everything he did was wrong. He couldn’t do a single thing right. He couldn’t even be a proper mate for his brother.

 

Why was he such a fuck up!

 

Sans slumped in defeat. He knew he didn’t deserve his brother’s love and kindness, but he turned and clung to the other regardless. The warmth and love that radiated off of Papyrus’ soul when Sans returned the hug was almost burning. Sans didn’t understand how he could make Papyrus so happy. He just didn’t understand. 

 

“i’m sorry…” Sans weakly spoke. He wanted to apologize for so much. For being a bad brother. For being a useless partner. For being broken. 

 

“Why Can’t You See How Great You Are? Why Can’t You See How Much I Love You?” 

 

Sans couldn’t stop the fat tears that streamed from his sockets. He wanted to argue, to deny everything. He wasn’t great. He wasn’t worthy of his brother’s love. But he knew Papyrus was in no mood to argue. It would only upset Papyrus more. 

 

The two then sat together, wrapped in each other’s arms for what seemed like hours. Sans wanted to protest, but after moments turned into minutes, and wave after wave of calming, loving magic was pushed into Sans’ soul from Papyrus, Sans finally gave into the calming intent and relaxed fully into Papyrus’ arms. Sans’ sockets closed and his anxiety vanished. There was nothing left but the now matching rhythmic beats of their souls, both humming with love for one another.

 

“what about the party?” Sans softly asked as he nuzzled into the crook of Papyrus’ neck. 

 

“Razz And Slim Are Very Capable Guests With The Skills To Hold Down A Party While I Am Away With More Important Matters.” Papyrus stated calmly. Once given trust, fell monsters held a strong comradery. Papyrus only needed to give Razz one look for the other to understand and nod in agreement. Papyrus wasn’t worried, Razz was an excellent impromptu host. 

 

Sans felt his magic glowing on his cheeks at the statement. “you don’t have to stay up here with me anymore. i’m fine now.” 

 

“I Know I Don’t Have To. I Want To.” 

 

Sans felt his skull light up even brighter and he quickly buried his face against Papyrus’ chest, desperate to hide his blush from his brother. Stars Papyrus always knew how to make him swoon, even when he wasn’t trying.

 

Papyrus chuckled at Sans’ shy behavior. His older brother kept up a harsh and rough mask, but in reality, he was incredibly cute and shy. He was also insecure and hard on himself. A small twinge of guilt crossed Papyrus’ mind. Sans had spent their whole lives praising him and instilling him with unbreakable confidence. If Papyrus hadn’t become second in command, he wouldn’t have had to treat Sans so badly in public to uphold a merciless image. If Papyrus had spent more time praising Sans instead of insulting him, would Sans have the crippling self-hate and depression that he had now? 

 

Was Sans’ depression caused by his failure as a brother?

 

After more time passed, Sans felt small skeletal kisses pepper his skull. His sockets opened, blinking back the coming waves of sleep. He didn’t realize he had grown to be so tired. His emotional roller-coaster of a day left him feeling weak and exhausted.

 

“Sans, I’m Going To Head Back To The Party.” Papyrus warned as he loosened his hold on his brother. As much as he wanted to stay, he knew he couldn’t leave Razz to hold things down much longer. The others might get suspicious and come looking for the two missing skeletons. Papyrus knew the last thing Sans needed was more potential triggers from their friends. “You Don’t Have To Join If You Don’t Want To.” He offered, letting his brother decide how much social stimulation he could handle.

 

“that uh, sounds good. not really feeling up to chatting anymore…” Sans admitted shyly. “think i’ll just hold up in my room for the rest of the night..” 

 

Papyrus nodded understandingly. “I Will Save You Some Food So You Can Eat When Everyone Leaves.” 

 

Sans snickered and smiled weakly. “thanks, paps.” His brother knew him well. 

 

Papyrus took a long look at his brother before pressing his teeth against Sans’ in a chaste, but loving kiss. He smiled when he felt Sans return the gesture, albeit a bit more gentle than he was used to. 

 

Once the two parted, Papyrus slowly stood and helped his brother to his feet. With one last nod and gentle smile, Papyrus exited the bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

 

Sans sighed once he was alone and teleported straight to his bedroom. He landed on his bed with a little bounce. 

 

It was quiet. 

 

Sans turned on his side and pulled the covers over himself as he waited for the party to finish. He had to wait for them all to finish their after dinner games and puzzles, so it was going to be a while. 

 

Sans felt the strong pull of sleep urging his sockets to close. Without having to worry about the party or anymore socializing, Sans finally gave into his exhaustion and let himself drift off to sleep. 

 

 

 

Sans wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. He wanted to sleep longer. He was so comfortable. He was warm, snuggled up against… bone? 

 

Slowly, Sans blinked away the clutches of sleep as he pried his sockets open. The room was dark aside for the flashing lights on the TV. Sans was no longer in his bed. Instead, he was curled up on his brother’s chest on the couch, the two of them wrapped snugly in Papyrus’ blanket. Sans’ soul immediately relaxed. His brother’s scent was all around him, those strong arms holding him, and the warm pulse of his brother’s soul was just beneath him. Sans couldn’t stop the contented sigh that left his mouth as he nuzzled further into his brother’s embrace.

 

“Awake sleepy bones?” 

 

Sans smiled at the surprisingly soft and gentle sound of his brother’s voice. 

 

“how long have i been asleep?” Sans asked while making no move to get up from their comfortable cuddling position. 

 

“The party has been over for three hours.” Papyrus informed as he gently ran his phalanges up and down the ridges of Sans’ spine. His tired sockets focused on the barely interesting late night infomercial playing on the television. 

 

Sans’ hands clenched fistfuls of Papyrus’ night shirt. He had slept through the after party cleaning. He had failed to wake up and help his brother prepare for the party, and he failed to wake up and help his brother clean up after. 

 

He was a failure throughout the whole day. 

 

“Hush Sans…” Papyrus grabbed hold of one of Sans’ clenched fists. His thumb gently rubbed across the course bone till Sans’ grip loosened. “Hush whatever it is your mind is thinking.” 

 

“how did you know…?” Sans asked dumbfounded. 

 

“I am your mate remember? While I cannot tell what goes through your head all the time, it is easy to guess what you are thinking when your soul is so close to mine…” Papyrus clarified softly, his hand pressing firmly over Sans’ spine where his soul should be underneath. As if on queue, Sans soul pulsed with guilt. 

 

“i’m sorry…” Sans apologized for the umpteenth time that night. Still, it didn’t seem like enough. He wished Papyrus could just read his mind, since it seemed his words always failed him at times he needed to speak up the most. 

 

“Don’t be.” Papyrus rejected the apology as he placed a gentle skeleton kiss atop Sans’ skull. 

 

Sans’ cheeks flushed with a dull crimson glow. He couldn’t for the life of him understand what Papyrus saw in him. “why do you put up with me?” Sans found himself asking before he knew better to shut his mouth. 

 

Papyrus stiffened. 

 

Oh no. That was definitely the wrong thing to say. 

 

Slowly, Papyrus pushed Sans back, just enough to have the other sitting up straight on his lap so that he could see Sans’ face. 

 

Sans flinched and shut his sockets tight, waiting for the barrage of insults, or maybe a slap to come his way. 

 

The sight caused Papyrus’ soul to clench painfully. So, he was right. Years of publicly insulting and shaming Sans had caused a permanent negative affect. Even though they both knew it was an act, some things could not be forgotten. Words could not be taken back. Behaviors difficult to unlearn. 

 

Papyrus set aside his own guilt and self-hatred for the moment as he reached out and gently cupped Sans’ cheek. He watched as Sans slowly eased out of his tense pose and carefully open his sockets, only to stare at Papyrus with wide curious eye lights. 

 

Papyrus was sure to stare long and hard into Sans eyes, hoping Sans could see how open and honest he was being right now. “Sans, I do not ‘put up with you’. I am with you, I am your mate.” Papyrus clarified, hoping Sans could understand him. 

 

“but… but… i’m just a burden to you…” Sans weakly protested. 

 

“Did you ever think I was a burden when we were younger and had to hide in caves? How I stayed behind while you worked a thousand odd job just to afford food?” Papyrus questioned.

 

“what? of course not!” Sans shouted, upset that Papyrus would even ask that. He loved is baby brother! Sans would gladly go back and do it all over. He’d give every last piece of bread to Papyrus so long as he had food to eat. He’d give him all the blankets and good clothes, gladly taking the torn garments. Sans would take on monsters twice his age and three times his size if it meant protecting his precious baby brother. He’d do anything for Papyrus!

 

“Then why would you think, even for a second, that I would consider you a burden?” Papyrus reasoned as he gently stroked away a single tear that cascaded down Sans’ cheek. 

 

Sans opened his mouth as if to protest, but found no words. 

 

“I am your brother, your mate, your partner. I will protect and care for you just as you would for me.” Papyrus smiled softly as he felt a little happy pulse from Sans’ soul. It was a start, but at least Sans was slowly beginning to understand. “I know you might not believe me, but I am so very proud of you, brother. One day you’ll understand your self-worth. But until then, I’ll simply have to remind you every day how great you are, and how much I love you.” Papyrus finished off his speech with a few strategic kisses. One against Sans’ increasingly burning cheek, one over his socket to kiss away the tears, another on his forehead, and then finally one long, deep, passionate kiss against Sans’ teeth.

 

Sans sighed contently, melting into his brother’s arms as Papyrus pulled him in closer. Their kiss continued as Papyrus’ tongue slid past Sans’ sharp teeth, meeting Sans’ tongue in an increasingly desperate display of love and affection. Sans’ sockets closed and he basked in the blissful warmth their souls created as they pulsed away in unison, the organs glowing brighter as the two continued to kiss and hold each other closer together.

 

Sans wasn’t sure he’d ever see what Papyrus saw in him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever stop being weak and useless. He wasn’t even sure Papyrus would always love him. Maybe one day Papyrus would get tired of taking care of him. Maybe one day his brother would have enough and finally give up on him. 

 

Maybe one day he really would have no reason to keep going.

 

But at least for today, Sans had a reason to live. 

 

And maybe things would never get better, but at least he had Papyrus by his side. And that’s all that mattered. 

 

He would try. For Papyrus, he would try. 

 

And that was a start.


End file.
